sudden outbursts..

haay 18 at last. often times i ask my friends, when they turn 18, ‘how does it feel?’, ‘any changes?’ and they always answer, ‘not much’, ‘not really’. and it is true. what happens when one turns 18 anyway? they can vote. they can drive. they can go watch r-18 movies. they can have a job. this and that..

but i don’t feel 18 yet. it’s not sinking into me that i’m 18. i feel like right now, it doesn’t even matter.

anyways, i enjoyed my 18th birthday celebration. they were teasing me that it started as early as wednesday evening [nOte: my birthday was on a thursday. last thursday.] because we had a dinner invitation at the Royal Garden Hotel for FriendsPhilippines. [nOte: i have pics from that night, just check my photos page.] there were ABS-CBN people and the Bayanihan Dance Troupe who were really good! and i actually was drinking red wine and dancing with my parents. [wait, that didn't sound right. haha!] we got home around midnight here and people started greeting me already.

so on the 16th of nov, i woke up a little later than usual and it got frustrating because my mom was dressing me up like a barbie. making me change this that, and aside from traffic, almost got me late because i left the house late. it was raining at first but good thing it stopped because my friends and i planned to have lunch outside college. we had lunch at subway, which was at the hammersmith station. i treated them to sandwiches and they surprised me with gifts and cake. and sadly, no candles. hahaha! i was surprised with their gifts. truly so touched. but we didn’t stay long, we had to go back to college because some of us still had classes.

upon arriving home, i immediately changed because we had to leave for the embassy. upon arriving there, my mom told me to stay first at my dad’s office. because they were preparing of a surprise of some sort. turns out they had planned a small program for me including 18 roses and 18 candles. i thought it was just suppose to be something like kainan lang. but it was more than that. [many thanks to tita she!!] after the short program, my dad gave a speech on my behalf because i already felt like crying. and actually did. mixed emotions really. i was so touched and happy. i didn’t expect that. i was sad because of course, it was complete. i still didn’t have my last dance. haay..

what was funny was that there was also a party the next day. another birthday party for a one year old. [baby mia!!] they were saying that it was like my party, day three. haha! and my celebration would have ended today at Buckingham Palace. because the Queen is holding some dinner for the diplomatic delegations. i could have come along if my dad had only known that i was allowed to come along. damn. what an ending it could have been to my so-called week-long celebration!! oh well, there’s still next year for the Queen. watch out! haha.

what makes me really sad is the fact that not everyone was able to greet me. i can actually count on my fingers who remembered my birthday from back home. i can understand that everyone’s really busy with school and life so i’m not really holding grudges or any disappointment with them. but it’s one thing i really wished for. for my friends back home to be able to go out of their way just to remind me that i am not forgotten. it was really important that they remembered or greeted me on my birthday this year because this is my first birthday here in london and aside from that, my 18th as well. argh!! i’m really wishing that they’re no longer disappointed in me about my decision. i still miss and love all my friends deeply. and always will. [waaah! tama na nga ang drama! hahaha! moving on...]

i’ve made so many wishes today that i hope every wish i made will eventually compare. i’ve said all my prayers to God and i feel really blessed for everything i have right now.for whatever reason he has brought me here, i fully accept that life must go on and know that life will someday become the way i want it to be. or maybe better. as for now, i’m beginning to enjoy this experience one day at a time.

to those who has shared their laughter and smiles and tears with me, to those who have influenced me, to those who have always been there for me despite the distance, to those who understood and continue understanding me, to those who care for me, to everyone who has become a part of my life, even for a short while, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. i’m sorry for any disappointment i may have given you guys. maybe i could make up for it. someday. and for everything esle, life’s good!!

so although the day started out bad with rain and dress-ups and monthly periods and traffic, everything else was perfect. well atleast, almost perfect..

babala: ito ay maaring madrama. haha.

bwisit, nakakalungkot. napapaluha pa nga ako ngayon eh. miss na miss ko na pinas. miss na miss ko mga kaibigan ko. pakiramdam ko i’m being left out. gusto ko maramdaman ung mga hugs nio at ung pagdadamayan natin. gusto ko narin ulit makasama sa pagtambay at dalaw gala sa kung san san. at miss na miss ko na xa. gusto na ulit kita makita at makasama. gusto kita mayakap ng napakahigpit at titigan lang ng buong araw. gusto ko humiga sa balikat mo at wala akong pakialam kahit na tahimik lang tayo. kaya nga takot na takot ako. lapit na nga rin ng birthday ko. grabe, baka isa ito sa mga malungkot kong birthday. ewan ko ba. waaah!! tama na ang drama na ito. kalimutan na! let’s move on! buwahahaha!!

alam nio ba, wala lang. pakiramdam ko ngayon eh nawawala ako. as in. kaninang umaga, paakyat ako ng college ko eh parang lanta ako. ewan ko ba. para akong wala sa sarili ko. sobra. dysfucntional, disoriented. sobra. para bang sabaw ang utak at manhid ang pakiramdam ko. super grabe na. as in. pati itong mga sinusulat ko ngayon walang saysay. hindi naman ako homesick. depression na yata ito. hahaha!  ang wierd nga ngayon, may test ako bukas at nainom ako. hindi simpleng tubig o softdrinks o juice ha. alam nio na un. alok lang un ng mom ko noh. bongga diba. haha. oo nga pala, pahabol, gusto ko nga rin pala sana damayan nia ako. kaso mukhang kelangan kong pagdaanan ito mag-isa. pero hindi naman ako nagtatampo sakanya. i understand naman eh. di rin lang naman siya gusto ko karamay eh. hay ewan bahala na. tama na ang drama. haha. tulog ko nalang muna ito. baka bukas wala na. sana. haha. nite!=P

i look at my friends

then i look at me.

without my hunnys

where would i be?

my friends,

my shadow,

my world.

where would i be

without my girls?

tears,

giggles,

smiles

and laughs,

late night calls

and cute photographs.

i’ll be there for you

till the time of my death.

best girlies forever,

till my very last breath.

[miss u guys!!]

kanina pag labas ko ng college, naalala ko ang bene pag gabi na. medyo malamig ang hangin [pero malamig talaga dito eh. hehe.] tapos madilim ng konti at may mga ilaw. tapos kasama ko pa mga kaibigan ko. haay.. namiss ko bigla ang bene. dami memories. grabe. 6 years din ako doon eh. haay.. pinakanakakamiss eh ung high school years. ung pagstay ko hanggang 5. tambay sa gazeebo. [ung luma pa ha. wala pa ung cafe ngayon. nakakamiss.] bili ng food sa skyline at canteen. maglalakad mula gazeebo papunta covered court tapos gym tapos balik, ikot. non-stop chikahan. tapos tambay din sa favorite place ng mga kaibigan ko sa bene. gitna na kung san nakikita ang field. basta un na un. hay. hay kamiss talaga. good times. haay.. nakakainis din ang pagsenti ko ngayon. grrr.. hahaha.

hay november nanaman!! yey! lapit na ako magbirthday!! hehe. lapit nako tumanda. hahaha!!wala lang. share ko lang.

kainis nga eh may pasok kami today. hindi naman kasi catholic college ko. hay..

grabe na nga pala ang lamig. lamu ba 4 degrees kaninang umaga?! grabe. hanggang ngayon nasa bahay nalang ako eh nilalamig ang kamay ko pati paa. brrrr…